Something I’ve learned a lot about during this stay in Romania is my process of adapting; not the adapting itself, but how that process unfolds in my thoughts and actions. You know that I had a difficult time here when I first arrived – I really struggled for the first few months, for a wide variety of reasons. When I changed my entire lifestyle and attempted to re-adapt to the prospect of a relatively domestic routine, I was surprised at how difficult it was to feel settled. I strove to establish control in a world that was familiar to me but also wholly new. It wasn’t the language barrier, or the old friends with established routines that I couldn’t quite enter into, or even – strictly speaking – the lack of food staples that I relied on so regularly in the States (such as miso, tempeh, and mung beans); it was the fact that when I changed virtually every element of my life that I practically forgot all of the little tools I have to keep myself fit, balanced and healthy. Adapting is what humans do, and I make a conscious effort to be flexible and adjust – if not thrive – under new and challenging circumstances; I mean, it was (and is) fully possible for me to transition into just about any environment seamlessly, observe my new surroundings, and find what I need to do perfectly well.

But I forgot that.

I had become rigid in my thinking and routine in the San Francisco life. And while that rigidity included yoga and martial arts nearly daily, healthy food, and good friends, it is the rigidity itself that is the problem. So upon arrival in Cluj (traveling from place to place for the month before wasn’t a problem – only the prospect of being settled again!) my entire established routine was gone, and I practically panicked. It wasn’t yoga class after work, it wasn’t Whole Foods market, or take-out vegan dahl at 10pm, so it was… I didn’t know! And then I felt defeated, I didn’t know what to do, so I collapsed.

I had little epiphanies, like when I lost the fear to use language and travel alone, that really started to boost my confidence, but then it all just clicked. I remembered that I am self-reliant, and that I have all the tools for happy-being right in my mind. When I started making the time to do some yoga every morning, my allergies cleared up, then my heavy smoking went as well (note use of the word ‘heavy’ – haven’t quit yet, I’m afraid). I made an effort to have meals with other people – Bori being principal – even if that meant spending some more money or eating food that doesn’t fit into my (rigid) definition of ‘healthy’. I backed off on being so hard on myself for maybe not having an optimum level of creative and productive output, and paid more attention to the time I was spending; taking walks, writing because I feel like it, engaging in activities that maybe aren’t the most exciting but which I enjoy and help me feel calm, and (possibly my favorite pastime) contemplating.

What I’ve realized, of course, is that my attachment to rigidity, and rigidity itself, disabled me from adapting. It sounds so simple and obvious now, but when that little thing dawned on me, my ‘problems’ disappeared – and now I can focus on more important things.