It was two years ago, when I was here in Cluj the first time, that the process really started.
Before then, I had never considered myself a spiritual person – scoffed at the idea, really. Oh, I had dabbled in religion – attended church, tried to believe in something – but it was ESP and psychic phenomenae that really caught my attention, ghost photography and alpha brain waves. I’d always considered myself a very pragmatic person, open minded and whole-brained, but interested only in the practical. I even thought quantum physics was a bit too mystical. Only interested in the “real world”.

I can’t call her a teacher proper, though age in years hasn’t anything to do with it. It’s not as though she imparted to me a particular skill-set or philosophical outlook, though we certainly explored both of those topics and more. I never quite adopted her point of view of spirituality, but shall we say, I adopted elements. She saw something in me, something I hadn’t seen in myself – or had seen, but couldn’t identify – and she led me to discover that for myself. A glimpse into my ‘inner nature’, and a challenge of my objective view of reality.

“going through another wave of conflict with the world.. i’m like a wirlwind.. devastating all that’s around me, yet laying a healthy ground for new life.. as the whirlwind tends to go in all directions, yet stays devoted to its center.”

Then on, I was on my own. I don’t know any gurus or enlightened beings, and I tend to be skeptical of self-made spiritual masters. Back in the States, I picked up a straight job, and picked up books. Ancient Nordic magic, contemporary occult magic, Taoism, Ayurveda, some crazy-assed sci-fi shit with detailed technical instructions on how to transmute one’s physical body into energy, and on; and what struck me most about these texts was not the differences, but the similarities…
And I knew where to begin.

I’d had a couple of failed experiements as a vegan. One of which involved using the term freegan – meaning vegan by choice, but never turning down free food – however my three virgo vegan bisexual female roommates berated me rather constantly “either you’re vegan or you’re not! there’s no such thing as freegan!” (although it would have been nice if they supported my feeble first steps, but being young and idealistic makes it easier to be militant) so I quit altogether, and moved out. Just wasn’t working for me. They kept stealing my girlfriends.
Some years later, in San Francisco, I began to study whole-foods nutrition, trophology, and ayurveda. I was struck by the desire and need to transform my life, starting with the basics; establish strong eating habits while young that will promote a long and healthy life. However, the end goal seemed nigh impossible.
Pizza is damn irrisitable, and I shouldn’t even mention ice cream. Or a bacon cheeseburger.
And for several months, pizza wasirrisistable. At company gatherings or at nice restaurants, inevitably the food was meat-and-dairy laiden, and the freegan in me spoke loudest, and I would gleefully eat food I knew in the back of my mind was toxic only a couple of steps away from pure poision.
But over time, the decisions became easier and clearer. The less meat I ate, the less I craved it. Same for dairy. After an experimental ice-cream binge, I had a hangover all day, and that was that. My energy increased, my attitude improved, my mood stabilized. I required less sleep and I found excersize more appealing – particularly yoga and kung-fu.

The more I learned, the more I wanted to learn. I began to see my body and mind as an extremely sophisticated machine for which I had no manual – and in fact had been taught all sorts of wrong ways to use it. I realized the connection between food and spiritual well-being, and I decided that this was something I had to persue further.

I discovered Heartwood through researching the author of an excellent tome on the subject, to find that Paul Pitchford teaches. After visitng the school/retreat, I realized that I couldn’t not go there.

So I quit the corporate job, took some of the saved money so I could return to Romania, visit my friends, and drink like a fish – before purifying my body and spirit this Autumn – and this is where I call home these four months…