By “relationship” I refer here to the typical dualistic, monogamous, heterosexual, romantic/sexual partnership, as I understand and am inclined to pursue – and also avoid.

The DRAW
- The primary instinct drawing people into such relationships are twofold:
a) mating instinct
b) need for nurturing companionship
- In addition, there is a factor for the ego-weak (which is most of us): a desire to validate one’s one existence by having it reflected in another person – a devotee.

Why RESIST
- I feel a yearning, somewhere in an emotional center. I believe this is a “spiritual” yearning, but it often takes the form of a desire for companionship or a partner. I am concerned that such yearning could draw me into a relationship; while not necessarily “bad”, this would nonetheless not bring the satisfaction I am seeking.
- “Love” is a generalized thing – a force, as it were, in the universe. While love for a person certainly is possible, it’s more of simply choosing a focal point to project “love” onto. Fondness for particular people is not uncommon, but to call this ‘love’ is not entirely accurate. In other words, “love” exists independently in each individual, and does not require a partner to project onto.
- The infatuation and lust that comes at the onset of a new relationship is distracting from a “spiritual” (or “cosmic) path, and is misleading to the emotional and mental self. While it is important for an individual to learn to understand him/her self – including these extremes of “emotion” – the whole endeavor ought to be avoided for other reasons mentioned.
- Sexual engagement, – specifically ejaculation – is depleting to the male body’s energy and chemical reserves, and unnecessarily taxes the body’s resources. (This can be prevented by mastering multi-orgasmic and semen retention techniques.)
- Relationships tend to bring on stress: questions of performance, reciprocity of emotion, physical satisfaction, abound. Personality conflicts are likely to arise as two people become deeply intimate. The transition from infatuation to partnership is rarely accomplished, but the tendency is to try to sustain infatuation. Thus, most relationships are destined for breakup – often rocky and even more painful. So starting one almost inevitably means dealing with the tumult of ending one.
- See, the prospect of delusion – self and mutual – is high. As one struggles to understand their partner, and themselves within the context of their partner, one often uses techniques of compromising (changing) one’s self to appease the partner/relationship, and justifying behaviors on both ends as reasonable or necessary. A tendency is to ‘work’ on a relationship to make it successful – or at least sustaining, (Rarely is there such compatibility that this doesn’t need to happen.) People don’t want to accept that their “love” is not enough for the relationship, or face the prospect of being alone again. (With sufficiently mature individuals, mutual acceptance of romantic deterioration may allow an amicable and timely separation. Alternatively, such individuals may have a high level of tolerance and acceptance of others’ personality traits – thus allowing a relationship to sustain. Maintenance of personal space and privacy are necessary, but sometimes difficult to establish at the ebb of the infatuation phase.)

Why ENGAGE
I can envision circumstances favorable to becoming involved in a relationship – the circumstances are specific and necessary.
- Sufficient maturity, as mentioned above, could allow two people to come together favorably. Traits include allowing tolerance for personality traits, recognition of difficulty, very and open and honest communication, and room for personal space and time – weeks or months may be necessary.
- A high level of compatibility in terms of mutual goals of “spiritual” or “cosmic” development, as well as being in a similar stage of development. Thus two people could co-contribute to mutual growth and progress.
- A commitment to “spiritual” sexuality: use or training in Tantric sexuality to combine nervous-system energy for meditation to foster rapid growth and consciousness development.
- Though not necessarily monogamous, clearly defined terms and boundaries must be established and adhered to. Trust and commitment are vital, even in periods of little or no contact.
- Individuals may need periods of time to embark on solitary “spiritual” or personal quests. Ideally, solitary progress should be made in such a way that achievements can be shared in the union.
- It must be understood and accepted that changes in the relationship will occur that will mean evolution or devolution – or even dissolution – of the union.

In CONCLUSION
- The possibility of a relationship does indeed exist for me, but it will likely be in the form of a life-partnership with a unique and powerful individual – the likes of which I have yet to encounter and may never encounter.
- Striving or yearning for a relationship is not only deluded, but could easily lead to more failed attempts. Also, this desire – in and of itself – is counterproductive to a “spiritual” or ‘cosmic” path.
- I must make much more personal progress before this yearning is extinguished (thus allowing clarity in making decisions about engaging in a relationship) and I am secure enough to bring something significant and stable to a union. Perhaps many more years are necessary.
- In the meantime, casual relationships are inhibitive of such growth and progress, for reasons detailed above. Attempts at such a relationship when one is not sufficiently prepared can only hurt the development of the self on the path to eventual “completeness”.*
- Relationships should be avoided at virtually all costs – resistance should be exercised at every step.

* – There is something to be said for experience – one must have failed experiments in order to have successful experiments. Growth can occur through difficulty. Aspera non spernit.

21 March 2005
Burger King in Nyugati Station, Budapest, Hungary

Transcribed 12 July 2005
Insomnia Café, Cluj-Napoca, Romania